The Following Is Courtesy of Lanre Madiba!
In a feminine tone, “being a woman is a struggle, it’s as if we’re in a battlefield.” Women — or as workers — struggle with criticism and oppression in their workplace and even in their homes, affecting their performance, originality and creativity at work and other settings of their lifestyle. Their freedom to live and make decisions are being overly judged and criticized, that’s why most women are on the mission to prove that they can do what most men couldn’t.
If you’re a woman reading this article, I guess you’re probably tired of listening to men or the society talk down on you, tired of being disrespected, oppressed and treated in the most misogynistic ways and judgments. You’re tired of listening to the same old criticism about you:
“She can’t handle that”
“Her?, she’s not fit for the position”
“Women are cheating bastards and liars.”
Women mistakes, failings and lifestyle are judged more harshly compared to men. As the women close to me tell me, “We know that the world and men say that women exist in men’s world and in competition with them and not the reverse, but what gives anyone the permission to make negative comments or opinions about another?, nothing!”
Even though criticized, mothers and all women are pressured to be that which they feel sad about. They are being imputed to be something other than they are or could be, “she’s made to be neglected, to be negative, to be weakness,” these are the pictures that critics paint, and even her steps to be righteous, her strengths and achievements are not good enough.
As a woman, you will be criticized, blamed or even worse assaulted. But whatever, these are 4 steps to surviving criticism and to protect your self-esteem, image and pride as a woman:
1. Focus on you.
Criticism — especially destructive — can make us feel as though we had hit a rock bottom. Pay no mind to critical comments — don’t pay attention at all. Don’t waste time trying to prove anyone wrong, stop trying to prove nothing. Whatever you do, however you choose to live, wrong or right, you will be misjudged or criticized by somebody or a group. Focus on you and not the criticisms, not the judgments about you, your lifestyle or work, or whatever it is about you that attracts criticism. Stop trying to impress ignorance, they can’t understand. Don’t hide behind a group or color to feel safe. Don’t hide from no person either. Be confident in yourself and what you do.
Many times, as a woman, you will be harrased, oppressed, neglected and you will go through criticisms and judgments, you will be wrongly imputed enough that you will get hurt and it may break you, but you mustn’t lessen but fight aggressively. You must continue to struggle, to grow, and to make positive changes.
Everyday, focus on you. As a woman, the world doesn’t believe that you can be true to your strengths, sanity and choices. Follow through the road of guidance. Take care of your body and soul. Grow rich in knowledge everyday. Every woman is worth something, but a great woman’s worth is built upon great mindset, good virtue, good education, and powerful nature.
2. Stop Self-criticism.
Being a woman who’s judged by her affairs with men, religion, culture, or lifestyle can be worrisome and may cause you on the receiving side of criticism to gain a sense of inferiority or low self-esteem.
Self-criticism breeds inferiority complex. Just like the constant check on yourself, you are usually very aggressive on yourself, you disrespect yourself and look down on your accomplishments and your struggle. A lot of the time, you don’t see yourself as true as you can be. Talking about, “My ass is not fat enough”, “My belle is so big”, “My hair is so short”, “I’m not as beautiful as other women”, and other self criticism. Stop all that. Raise your self-worth. Compliment yourself more often. Treat yourself with self-compassion. Be proud of who you are, your transformation (what you have become). Be proud of your religion and accomplishments. Elevate yourself and not the negativity around you. Stop talking down on yourself. Stop worrying about the edges, they will spread out and you will grow bigger.
3. Take/Interpret criticism as a point of view of a critic.
While others are threatened by your status, happiness or beauty enough to make criticism, not all criticism are made to put you down. After all, every individual needs to make little or huge adjustments or improvements in their behaviors; this is where constructive criticism focuses. However, if a critic focuses on you as a person; this is where destructive criticism aims to harm you, your prestige or self-esteem, but don’t feel hurt by the uncharacteristic words that are usually used to define you. Put your thoughts through the criticism or what the critic proclaims, see what is your fault in this — matter of fact, don’t check for the faults in yourself, you would only feel down about nothing that you did wrong. There’s no need to check for that which is sent to harm you or your reputation.
As women, you’re created to inspire us men, to guide men through the responsibilities that God made for them, through the responsibilities that he puts on himself, and the responsibilities to serve the society. Therefore, always reflect on your behavior from your own point of view and to strive to make changes where required.
And in whatever way that they send negative messages and criticism for being you (for being real), learn, grow and do not shake. Do not cease to be better everyday. You are a powerful and a strong woman — do not let up.
4. Do not Elevate Negative Behaviors that would bring about criticism.
Hello sisters, mothers and daughters, stop checking for the wrongs that are not right. Stop elevating behaviors that will attract judgments. Yeah they’ll judge you wrong or right, but understand, those that judge you for being right, for trying to keep up with good morals, for living by respect, for serving God and following his commandments and laws, for being true to yourself, those that judge you for being strong and powerful women are being misled by prejudice and passion. And no matter how you explain to them, they’ll see what they want to see, they’ll judge your morals, they’ll say what’s in their heart about you, and they’ll behave in the most misogynous ways that will hurt you or put you down. But one thing, you are not dirt. You are not weakness. Your worth means so much that we can’t describe. God did not create you to suffer but to be our queens, comfort and companions in this cold world and sun’s heat. Stop seeking for acknowledgement or respect through disrespectful or shameful acts. You don’t need to, you are worth more than that.
Everyday, set moments aside to reflect on your behaviors, habits or character, look out for your wrongs and try to make corrections where needed. Elevate good conduct and morals. The society is watching you and even counting on you because you are the sun that birth us and the society. Practice good a lot of the times. Maintain a safe lifestyle and the needs for that which is over you and mystery. And be content with your space.
5. Don’t come at a critic with criticism.
Oftentimes, when we are being criticized for our morals and lifestyle, we usually send back negative messages and criticism to prove the extent of what we know (or let me say, ignorance). We wrongly exchange negative comments so as to prove our worth or standard, but no, let up on that habit. As long as the world continues to be, you will be attacked and abused because of your “weak” nature, and they will judge you for not fighting enough. They will talk behind you for surviving. They will find faults even where there are no faults. They will make jokes and criticism about your flaws like you are the maker of your soul and body. They will describe or define you with sort of obscene comments and opinions and you will get hurt as they intend. From the effect of the down feelings, criticism and judgments, do not strike back just yet. You don’t fight in the mud or dirt with a pig to prove your maturity or strength. Come out of its pen and bring him into your stable. Show what makes you unique. You don’t wipe off a mud stain with a mud, that’s just a waste of trial. Don’t reach back with the same criticism that they spit out. You are a woman of extraordinary power, elevate your traits.
This is Courtesy Of Lanre Madiba!